The main project
On Monday and Tuesday, I wrote 1000 words each day, as planned. I had some problems, mostly about the mindset, because on Sunday I read a couple of blog posts somewhere on why people SHOULDN’T write every day. While a lot of it sounded like an envious whining toward people who can and do, it planted some doubts in me. Am I trying to write 1000 words just for the quota sake? Am I really making progress with my project, or just piling as many words as I can?
I will not stop, of course, because without a set goal I will be crawling slowly instead of moving forward, and I want to start finishing it already. It’s been two years, and I can’t see the end: so much to write, so much to explain. I feel exhausted. I will probably need some sort of vacation in summer, and then to overview the whole project to see where it stands. There are places where nothing is written; there are places almost ready. After having written so much I need to start plotting it—at last. Maybe I will find out I will not need to write half of what I thought I would have to. Hopefully.
Today life happened, meaning I was totally fine to do nothing. But I worked on some other stuff: email list, this blog, studying. Also, I rummaged through my old files and found out I have a candidate for reader magnet and for a perma-free book, which could help with building an email list. How could I forget about them? Too often I have this feeling that I haven’t done anything, while in reality I wrote a novel and half a dozen short stories, and haven’t published them by now only because of this fear of finishing and putting myself in front of people, of being judged. It’s not that I can’t be creative or productive, but that I can’t show it to the world.
That’s what really holding me back, and I have to do something about it: it’s super annoying and damaging.